Fact one: Steffan Alun created Spies With Badges. Fact two: What's a Spring Sawsbuck? We just don't know.


In the far-off superfuture of the year 2001, there is a school that trains kids (it's a secret!) to become Junior Spies!

This day in fall they were having a test in Looking At Things People Don't Want Looked At Class. They got points by looking at each others' papers without getting caught. Emilia Octavian was sitting perfectly still and not looking at anyone's paper, which means she got all the points because clearly she was actually looking at everyone's paper without giving it away even to the teacher. This is a special spy ability called bluffing. Try it at home today!

Miss Steve, her best friend who was also a spy, got second on the test through a clever arrangement of mirrors, windowpanes, and Tamagotchi screens. After the test they were talking and being rivals and comparing patches.

Emilia had her Dimension Patch sewn on the inside of her spy backpack. It was the third she had gotten, along with the Brevity Patch and the Chocolate Ripple Patch. She knew that once she had eight Junior Spy Patches, she could challenge the Really Quite Amazing Four at a spy-off, and if she won, her Geopolitical Paradigm would change and she would become Emilia the Spy.

Miss Steve had only two and a half patches. This was enough to beat Legends of the Hidden Temple, but still ey wanted to be even cooler than Emilia, because the two of them were hot-blooded rivals who wouldn't let anyone beat them except each other.

Boop! Boop! The class hamster was ringing, so she answered it without anyone seeing by disguising herself as a food pellet.

"Emilia Octavian (Not Yet a Full Spy)!" said Junior Spy Boss Woman Charlie Jackson Twelve. "We are two jacks short of elevensies!"

Emilia knew that when Junior Spy Boss Woman Charlie Jackson Twelve got excited, she spoke in metaphors involving games that youths in New York during the Great Depression would play. "What's the problitch, boss?"

"It's our rivals, the Child Spies," squacked the hamsterphone. "They're planning to steal the sixth grade!"

"Reticulated splines!" fake-swore Emilia.

"Emilia Octavian (Not Yet a Full Spy), I am still not giving you the Fake Swearing Patch. You have to stop them, but there are two things that you must remember. First: Whenever You Come To The Bureau The Same Three Wait Within. Second: Arc Words Are Very Spooky And Cool."

"Message got!" said Emilia, and hung up the hamster. She was halfway up into the air ducts when Miss Steve called out to her.

"Hey!" ey said. "Don't be a loner who always says she has to work alone! It's boring!"

"Okay sure," said Emilia, and helped Miss Steve up into the air ducts. She knew this would be an okay mission for her rival, because the Child Spies were also their rivals, but in a different way, and they liked to prank.

They looked through the grates of the air vent at the sixth grade. The Child Spies were rolling it up into a tube and disguising it as a limited-edition poster. But next to them there was an evil purple lady in a sparkly hat!

"Gasp!" said Miss Steve. "Those Child Spies aren't just being awesome-cool school rivals who prank! A Monster of the Day is controlling them!"

"It's time to spime!" shouted Emilia, and even though that was a very silly thing to say, she jumpkicked out of the air duct and landed next to the Monster of the Day. Miss Steve landed next to her.

"Junior spies are the junior angels of Earth!" she shouted, and did her transformation sequence stock footage flashy pink cool memorable. And Time-Traveling Future Emilia the Spy appeared next to her, but she did not shout the magical catchphrase.

Instead she walked over to Miss Steve. She took an old, laminated slip of paper and handed it to em. Then she gave Emilia a sad look and disappeared.

THIS WEIRDED EMILIA OUT. The Monster of the Day tried to attack her with cactus whips, but Emilia ignored that. "Miss Steve, what does it say?"

Miss Steve looked up. Ey stopped crying. "I'm sorry. I'm not going to be a spy anymore."

"What?" Emilia grabbed Miss Steve's hand. "But— but then we can't! Any of it!"

Miss Steve ripped a piece of paper out of eir notebook and wrote something on it, and gave it to Emilia. "We can still best friends. And we can still rivals. But not for spying."

"But why?"

"Because dragons are neither spies nor angels."

And these were arc words, and they defeated the Monster of the Day.

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