What Has Gone Before:

———

"OK, that's enough of that," said a voice from the distance. A pale, dark-haired woman appeared on stage. She wasn't dressed like a net.hero, but in this room full of gaudily dressed superbeings she held herself up like she owned the place.

"Who are you?" snarled Ultimate Ninja, drawing his sword.

"Simmer down, Pajama Man, I'm here to help. My name's Lydia Devin. God's close enough."

"Well, I guess it's been a while since we had a good crisis," said Fearless Leader. "What is it this time?"

"Well," said Lydia, "So there's this cosmic dictator wannabe called LAN.os, who's gathering an army of space mooks to ravage the universe. You know the kind."

Fearless Leader nodded. "Sounds like a typical one-note parody villain to me. We can take him easy."

"Yeah, but that's not the problem. The problem is he's going after the Kubrik's Kube. That's spelled with a K. Don't ask me, I didn't make it. It's an artifact that's as old as your universe, maybe older. It's a sort of puzzle box thing. If you can solve the puzzle, it gives you enlightenment, whatever the hell that is. Basically, wherever it shows up, things go wrong. Even when they go right. I guess "enlightenment"'s just not for everyone."

[ excerpted from JUST ANOTHER MULTI-WRITER CASCADE THAT WILL PROBABLY NEVER HAVE AN ENDING #1.NOW (#4) part B ]

———

Now: Psychovant the Duck makes his move!

———

"Hooray! She's gone!"

"I can still see you, Duck."

"Gah!"

"Oh, relax. Unless you're going to destroy the universe, I just don't care."

"Well then! Have a nice day!"

"Whatever."

The ultimate-powered Goth chick from the other universe disappeared. The cyborg demon duck from a third universe cheered. "Yahoo! Open season on LNH Cascades!"

———

The duck was Psychovant, known in his own manner across the universes. He stopped on a convenient asteroid, pulled out an impossibly large whiteboard from his satchel, pulled out a "Graduate" mortar cap, put it on, and started making notes and equations.

"Now, this Kube will be near some parody villain. And the villain will be related to some Writer, whichever one is angstier and more likely to write now... Got it!"

Psychovant pulled out a job application, put on a business suit, disappeared – and reappeared on the Looniverse Planet of Amateur Contract Law, inside an office. "'Scuse me, this is important so your secretary passed me in. I'd like the job of Kube Konsultant."

An amateur lawyer looked up. "Okay, but you must first defeat... the Amateur Lawyer! What are your qualifications?"

"Well... I know a Kube when I see one!" The lawyer's desk had a sort of cube full of cubes sitting there. Psychovant grabbed it.

"Okay... Can you solve a Kube?"

"heh. I being a highly qualified Kube Konsultant, I'll need you to tell me your ground rules first."

"We use simple rules here. We're proud of that on our planet. If you can put all the same color on each side, you win."

"Just that?"

"Just that."

"Well... Yahoo!" Psychovant grabbed the Kube with one wing, and with the other flourished a paintbrush coated with white paint from his satchel. Swipe Swipe Swipe! Toss! Swipe Swipe Swipe! "... I win!"

"Uh, that's nice. But I'm afraid we never intended the rules to be that simple."

Psychovant put on some reading glasses. "Well, please allow me to review the contract... Oh, right, it's verbal so far! So lemme $#@!ing verbalize... Hey, Kube, whadda you think?"

Kubrik's Kube glowed.

Psychovant looked at the lawyer. "So why the %^&! were you chosen as Kube Kuardians, err, guardians?"

"err, lowest bid."

"Well, all righty then. Kosmik Kubrik Kube Powers, Activate!"

———

NEXT: Has Psychovant become a Kosmik, err, Cosmic Power with the ability to destroy the endless cascades? If so, let the LNH tremble!

———

Author's Note: You asked for it. Well, actually you dared it. Almost literally.

Author Credits:

Lydia Devin is a character of Andrew Foltz.

Psychovant the Duck is copyright 2014 Eiler Technical Enterprises, but is available for public use in this cascade without limit.

The Planet of Amateur Contract Law and the Amateur Lawyer are Free For Use by the terms of the Legion of Net.Heroes.

8{D>

-- 
(signed) Scott Eiler  8{D> -------- http://www.eilertech.com/ ---------

When you *are* the leader... whatever goes wrong... whether you did it
or not... *you* are held responsible. - Barack Obama

I know. - Archie Andrews

- from Archie #617, March 2011, scripted by Alex Simmons.
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